


an impasse

by heaven_severed



Category: IT (Movies - Muschietti)
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Character Study, Feels bad man, Gen, Mike Hanlon-centric, because he doesn't get enough appreciation, blink and you miss it though, there's the slightest stan/mike and richie/eddie
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-18
Updated: 2020-03-18
Packaged: 2021-02-28 17:34:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,088
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23201011
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/heaven_severed/pseuds/heaven_severed
Summary: No one had expected to be the last one in Derry.None of them, in their naïvety, had considered that one of them would inevitably be stuck here. When they all made a promise on that fateful summer’s day, none of them were aware of the consequences leaving Derry would have. How could they have been?
Relationships: Mike Hanlon & Eddie Kaspbrak, The Losers Club Friendship
Comments: 6
Kudos: 14





	an impasse

No one had expected to be the last one in Derry. 

None of them, in their naïvety, had considered that one of them would inevitably be stuck here. When they all made a promise on that fateful summer’s day, none of them were aware of the consequences leaving Derry would have. How could they have been? It wasn’t their fault that they’d all forgotten, or that they’d even left at all. Something inexplicable had happened. It had eroded at their memories until all that was left was the haze of a carefree childhood.

All but one.

  
A group of seven teenagers living in a small, closed-minded town? Of course they’d want to leave. Who would want to stay in the town where so many young children had been taken, where the adults couldn’t care less about what went on? So when Beverly’s aunt had gotten into contact, of course she had to leave. There was no one in Derry that could house her, keep her safe. They all understood, tearful as they were, why Bev had to leave. She never would have been able to escape the looming shadow of her father, even after his death. It was no surprise that the Denbroughs decided to leave not too soon afterwards. Bill’s parents had become distant, unable to cope with the death of their youngest son. They’d said that a change of scenery might make it better. Bill, just as Bev had, promised to keep in touch.

He called every day, then every other day, then every week, until the day where he answered a call with: “Who’s this? …Sorry, I don’t know anyone named Mike.”

Things had settled down through their years in high school. Mike had enrolled in the school and gotten used to the feeling of community that it brought with it. He, Richie, Ben, Stan and Eddie had become inseparable. It was rare to find one of them without any of the others. They continued to spend weekends and late nights in the clubhouse, but it had a more somber atmosphere without the presence of Bev or Bill. Richie had tried to keep the mood light, but even his jokes and voices couldn’t assuage the fear that had stuck in the back of their heads ever since Bev first left. How much longer did they have together? Would they all forget when they inevitably left too? 

Then graduation came. 

Richie had wept tears of joy when he’d opened his acceptance letter from Berkley. They’d jumped up and down together, over the moon for him. Stan and Ben had likewise gotten into prestigious universities. Ben had even managed to snag a scholarship. Mike was overjoyed that his friends were being recognised for the incredible talents they were, of course. But despite the pride that bubbled over in his chest, there was still a weight dragging him down. He knew he had no hope of leaving Derry, but it was all becoming too real. 

He also knew that Eddie was thinking the same thing. 

With all his potential, it was heartbreaking to see the sadness behind Eddie’s smile as he watched Richie, Stan and Ben celebrate. They’d found out that even though he had straight A’s and the option to study at an Ivy League school, his mother wouldn’t release him from her vice grip. Eddie was to attend the local community college — he wasn’t even allowed to live on campus. 

They gave their teary goodbyes to Richie, Stan and Ben in September. Unspoken feelings were left as just that — unspoken — like a story cut off too soon. Ben had made cassette mixes with short poems attached for each of them, hoping that having a token from him would somehow keep their memories from getting stolen like the others. Mike desperately hoped it would. Stan had written letters, Richie had recorded samples of his Very Best Voices. Admittedly, they all sounded somewhat similar, but they brought a smile to everyone’s face. Mike had left drawings of each of them, of Bev and Bill, of all of them together. Eddie had pressed flowers and made little scrapbooks.

None of it helped.

It was inevitable.

They forgot.

And so Mike and Eddie were left behind with the memory of all that had come before. 

Mike made an effort to swing by the university every once in a while. Eventually, he came to be familiar with Eddie’s schedule, meeting him for coffee every Wednesday afternoon. For four years, they had become each others’ constant, the only other person tying them to Derry. The only ones that knew. Sometimes, Eddie would say something and pause, expecting to hear Richie interject with a crude joke about his mother. Mike would smile and squeeze his hand comfortingly. When this happened, they would share a fond memory of their friends, trying to keep their image alive. They found comfort in that, making a routine of remembering small moments like when they’d stumbled through the Barrens on that summer’s day, bouncing with adrenaline following the triumphant Rock War. 

A family had been forged that day, torn apart too soon.

But maybe-

Maybe they could bear the burden together. Stay together in Derry, piece together what they could and _hope_ that their friends would one day remember.

And yet, fate was pulling strings like a cruel, cruel puppet-master. 

Mike was surprised to find a 23 year-old Eddie Kaspbrak on his doorstep in the middle of a storm, a letter in his hand and a guilt-ridden face.

“Can I come in?” Still shocked, Mike stepped back and let Eddie step inside after he had throughly wiped his shoes on the mat to make sure he wouldn’t track any mud. Old habits die hard, it seemed.

Once Mike had found a blanket and made two hot drinks, he sat down on the couch with Eddie who stared into the mug, thinking of what to say next. Finally, he looked up and made eye contact.

“I…I was offered a job.”

“That’s great! When do you start?” Mike smiled, but knew there was more coming.

“It’s in New York,” Eddie’s hands had started to shake, “I’m meant to leave next week.”

“ _Oh.”_ It started to set in, and Mike felt like he was falling, drowning and unable to come up for air.

“I’m really sorry, Mike. It’s just—” Of course, Mike understood. It was an incredible opportunity, the opportunity Eddie _deserved_. To get out of this town, away from his mother, away from her manipulation and guilt-tripping. That didn’t make it any less heart-wrenching.

“I get it. You don’t have to be sorry.” 

Eddie put the mug down before he could drop it. His head fell into his hands and he let out a defeated sigh. 

“How can I just leave you here, knowing what it’s gonna cost? It’s so selfish.” Mike’s brow furrowed and he grabbed Eddie’s hands, forcing him to look up.

“Don’t blame yourself. Wanting to get away from…her, that’s not selfish,” He saw the tears start to well up in Eddie’s eyes, “you _deserve_ to be happy.”

“But what about you, Mike? Who’s gonna take care of you?” Mike wiped the tear that had escaped Eddie’s eye.

“Don’t worry about me. I want you to live your life,” He smiled through the tears forming in his own eyes, “and hey, maybe you won’t forget.”

Eddie leaned forwards and pressed his forehead against Mike’s. “I’ll try.”

With that, Eddie stood and made his way back to the front door.

“Take one, it’s still raining,” Mike gestured to the umbrella stand. Eddie nodded and picked one up. He hesitated to open the door, turning around to give Mike one final hug.

“You’re a hero, Mike Hanlon.” Eddie said, muffled, “You always have been.”

* * *

Three weeks had passed since Eddie left for New York. Mike had poured himself into any distraction he could find. He spent most of his time in the library, finding anything and everything he could about the history of Derry. He devoted himself either to his farm work or to poring through book after book, hoping desperately that he could find a way to defeat IT without bringing his friends back into harm’s way. Nothing would give him the answers he was looking for, though. 

Frustration, anger, desperation, but most of all, helplessness. He was helpless, powerless. There was nothing he could find on _why_ his friends couldn’t remember, _why, why, why!_

27 years.

That was one thing he’d figured out. That was when it came back. 

So, 17 years.

17 long years stuck in this miserable town. It felt like a prison sentence.

_Fuck._

* * *

On an autumn day at the age of 24, Mike Hanlon packed a bag. Packed a bag and threw it into his car, fully intent on leaving. As he started up the engine, a voice creeped its way into his head. It didn’t feel like his own, it was more sinister, menacing, taunting him.

_What’s the use? They all abandoned you. Beverly, Bill, Richie, Stanley, Ben, even Eddie. But you know you can’t leave, Mikey, so why try?_

He glanced at the strip of photo booth pictures tucked into the book he’d left in the open glove compartment.

He slapped at his cheeks, trying to get the voice out of his head, and hit the gas pedal.

As he drove, he thought back to the day in the clubhouse. Thoughts and dreams of getting out into the world, going to Florida, being free. Maybe that could become reality. Maybe he’d spent the last year worried about nothing. After all, it wasn’t certain that IT would come back at all. Maybe they had succeeded the first time. Even then, why should he stay? The others had. But then he remembered Richie and Eddie’s loud and unending bickering over the hammock. Stan’s pre-occupation with the showercaps, Ben’s surprisingly sound construction work. Bill’s quiet mumbling as he read aloud from a new book and Beverly humming to the tunes of the radio. 

Could he really leave all of that behind?

But he circled back to his adolescent dreams of living out to his retirement in a new town, and kept driving. His friends were all living their dreams, why shouldn’t he?

His friends.

It had been an hour since he’d started driving, he must have been a couple miles out of Derry by now. He’d lost his train of thought, what was it again? A fog seemed to form in his head, a deep gray haze. _What’s happening?_ A promise was made. A promise…he couldn’t quite place it. Memories were seeming fade, as if grains of sand were slipping past his fingertips. 

Of course. He’d really convinced himself that it wouldn’t happen.

He hit the brakes and pulled over to the side of the road.

Staring straight ahead, his grip tightened on the steering wheel until his hands started to shake.

_I_ _knew you couldn’t do it, Mikey._ There it was, that voice again. But this time, Mike knew who it was. 

16 years.

He released the steering wheel and stared down at his right palm. A scar and a promise. A summer’s day and a shard of glass. With a heavy sigh, he pulled the gear and reversed the car. He still felt hazy as he drove, but with a renewed determination. As much as he wished it wasn’t, he realised it was all down to him. The safety of not only his beloved friends, but the entirety of Derry. The children currently growing up, the children yet to come. All of it resting on _him_ , like Atlas holding the Earth on his shoulders. As he got closer to Derry once again, memories trickled back into his head. Standing in a circle, hands joined. He remembered the sting of the glass and the certainty in Bill’s eyes. These six people he held so close to his heart, and he’d almost abandoned them. Another memory floated into his head. He dug through the glove compartment and pulled out the cassette tape an 18 year-old Ben Hanscom had given him. It had ' _Stay strong, Mike! (though I know you always will)'_ scrawled in Ben's messy handwriting. The poem he’d written was still attached, too. A tear slipped down his cheek as he put the cassette into the dock. He had to do this, even if they no longer remembered him.

_Although now I’m gone,_

_Keep this as a memory_

_of a love life-long._

* * *

“Sorry, who’s calling?”

“It’s Mike Hanlon. From Derry.”

**Author's Note:**

> hello i love mike hanlon he was done dirty in the movies thank you for coming to my ted talk
> 
> find me on tumblr at aahelvede.tumblr.com :)


End file.
